Saturday, August 25, 2012

homesick but not homesick ... more like people sick.

One of my bestfriends got married yesterday and I wasn't there.

I'm having a hard time being here.

I am and I am not at the same time.  I am much less homesick than I used to be; which is wonderful.  And it's not everyday that I'd much rather move back to Portland.  I'm getting used to this.

But I'm having a hard time living life without the people I can't live without.  Like Ashley Waite.  And my lovely mentor, Mary Liggett.  How am I supposed to get mentored when I live 600 miles away?  And people like Becca-no-longer-Quint, Carissa Richards and seriously ... the list can go for days.

I also miss Portland summers; the most wonderful thing ever.  I miss wakeboarding on the most beautiful days with no agenda except to tear up the water, and get an amazing tan and chill with the best of friends.  I miss Portland Timbers matches like no other.  I miss the best job ever, being a camp leader at Camp Conestoga and getting paid almost nada.  And I miss BARISTA, some serious legit coffee; SF has nothin' on Barista.  

I guess I just miss home, but mostly the people.
And I'm thinking about moving back home, but who really knows what that means?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

even at 26 ...

Even at 26, I could not be more confused about life.

I'm not sure how I can feel so disconnected from my creator.

And not really know what I am doing with my life ... or where I'm going.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

almost 26.

I've tried numerous times to write this post.  So much has happened.  And of course everything matters and everything is worth remembering.  But I guess its time to sit and reflect, confess and pray.

I'm almost 26 and I think one realization I have made about myself is that I am a jerk.

Long story short, I had a bad break up several years ago and it destroyed me and I've never been the same since.  However, I keep thinking back on this sermon my pastor, Dave Lomas (Reality San Francisco) discussed baptism.  And how daily we have to die to our sin and what caught me off guard was when he said that we cannot lean our past as a crutch and let that explain why we are the way we are.

There isn't anything that I can change about the past.  And often it haunts me.  But as I turn 26, I'm realizing that I need to grow up and I need to be the person that I want to be, RIGHT NOW.

So ... I'm going to start being that person ... right now.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A season of waiting and uncertainties ...

I apologize for my lack of blogging lately.  I currently do not have wi-fi which makes blogging a little difficult.  

I also have no idea what is going on with my life.  I have entered into a stage of waiting.  And tomorrow, I am supposed to report to my job in Portland about whether I am coming back for the summer ... and honestly ... I don't know.  I haven't heard from God about whether I should go back or not and I have no pull towards Portland or San Francisco.  I am not going to make any drastic life changing decisions ... So I suppose I am just going to stay here and wait.

With all of that said, I hope to come home for a visit in May.  But if not, for certain I will be home for a week in June 13th/14 thru the 19th and again in July the 2nd thru the 5th.  I really hope to see all of my friends and family and to visit all my favorite spots and enjoy some beautiful Portland weather *hopefully*.

Half Moon Bay and the lack of sun absolutely kills me and has trapped me in a lot of negativity lately and has made me incredibly homesick.  I could use some prayers.  

Anyway, loveyou all.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Happy six months ...

Today is my six month anniversary with San Francisco.

It's weird.  Like I said in my last blog, I am no where I had expected to be.  However, I am thankful for my wonderful church, my job with co-workers that are like family and a new best friend.

Just yesterday I promised San Francisco I would stay for at least three more months.  During this time I hope to find what I am looking, build amazing relationships and that I love every moment of it.

Here's to another three months.


Monday, March 12, 2012

In search of purpose ...

New blog, new start.

I haven't blogged in a couple weeks because I wanted to take time to process and think through life.  Just a few weeks ago it was turned upside down and I found myself no where I had expected.

But I am looking forward to writing this chapter of my life.  This Friday will be my six-month anniversary with San Francisco; it has definitely changed my life.  Don't get me wrong, I miss Portland ... very, very much.  Just yesterday I was bombarded with texts and phone calls from dear Portlanders.  

I especially miss Portland today because today is the Portland Timbers opening match.

LOVE, #rctid